Newspaper Reporter

Notes by Erick Hanson

This record breaking cold for September has also produced the first human nose to be found on a local farm.
Further investigation has revealed a butchered body of the local butcher.
Suspects so far are a three legged goat that stands 12 feet tall and weighs 800 pounds.
(Quite a length to go to cover one's tracks.)
We will have to track them down in the morning.


Local Man Mutilated in Woods

Yesterday afternoon a local man’s nose was found in a farmer’s field by his dog. The man was found mutilated a mile into the woods. Mr. Nillson was hunting in the woods with his dog when the perpetrators came upon him and killed him. They mutilated and displayed his body on a large rock. The ground was heavily trampled and no incriminating evidence was left behind. The Sheriff is conducting a full county wide investigation.


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